Effortless Networking

Doing anything new can be challenging and anxiety-provoking.

In professional situations, it can be even more stressful — probably because the consequences of not doing these “new” things, or doing them badly, can be significant.

Yet, doing them may lead to great success.

So how can you get past your stress and anxiety of doing something new?

Well, here are two very simple things you can do:

1. Find a role model to emulate, and
2. Learn to observe yourself objectively.

Ideally you’d want both, but in a pinch, even one of these can be very useful.

Here’s a story that shows how and why this works:

Our 2 year old son used to hate brushing his teeth. We tried various ways to get him to brush his teeth — pretending to find a bug in his mouth, getting him a fun toothbrush, reasoning with him, singing songs about brushing teeth — nothing really worked consistently.

Then I had a brainwave (yes, I get those sometimes!).

I invited him to come brush his teeth with me. We sat next to each other, facing the mirror so he could see both his face and mine. I brushed my teeth slowly so he could see what I was doing. And I asked him to brush his teeth — just like I was. It worked like a charm!

He was fascinated with the whole process and brushed his teeth without a fuss. And he did a mighty fine job too!

Why did it work? Because:

1. A role model demystifies the new thing or process.

   In the case of my son, when he saw me brushing my teeth, it was no longer a “strange and unknown” experience that his parents insisted he go through everyday! If his mother could do it and not cry, perhaps he could too.

   So if you want to do something that’s new to you, find someone who currently does or has already done what you want to.

   Even if it’s not exactly the way you want to do whatever it is, having a “role model” to observe gives you a roadmap of sorts.

   Observing your role model, even from a distance, can give you ideas about how you might approach the topic, including what not to do or what to do differently.

2. When you’re able to see yourself in action, you gain control.

   Being able to see what he was doing in the mirror, gave my son more control. For instance, he didn’t hurt himself by accidentally brushing his lip, or poking himself.

   Similarly, seeing what you’re doing can help you adjust and be more precise in your actions.

   So practice observing yourself — especially when you’re doing something “new”.

   Knowing that you have the ability to notice and correct yourself as you learn and do something new can be very reassuring.

   At the same time, being able to recognize immediately when you do do something well or correctly, naturally increases your confidence to continue.

So learn how to observe yourself objectively — without getting self-critical or overly analytical! It’s a very useful tool to have.

Check out the Effortless Networking home-study program — it shows you how to acquire this skill in the networking context.

Questions? Comments? I’d love to hear from you — post them below and I’ll respond.

Till next week,
– Sri

I thought I’d write about a common challenge: meeting new people or the “right” people.

But a curious thing happened.

As I was writing, I made a typo and ended up with an very interesting title: My Biggest Challenge In Business Networking Is Me (it was supposed to be “My Biggest Challenge In Business Networking Is Meeting New People”.)

Well, this was too good a topic to pass. So let’s talk about how we can be our biggest challenge!

We are told, and many of us believe, that we need to behave a certain way, dress a certain way, talk about or not talk about certain things, when it comes to business networking.

I disagree.

This is one very simple way we can become our own biggest networking challenge.

Think about it.

Where is your attention and focus, when you’re trying to “present a professional image”? (And whose definition of “professional” is it anyway?)

For instance, I know that when I’m trying to be “professional”, all my attention goes towards “being professional”, leaving very little for conversations or other people.

This is NOT a good thing in business networking!

On the other hand, when I’m not worrying about *my* image, my focus and attention can be (and usually is) directed 100% towards other people and the conversations we’re having.

And not surprisingly, I present a much better “image” by doing so.

I’m not saying be sloppy or rude (and if you’re reading this article, you’re probably neither).

What I am saying is just be yourself.

Don’t believe me? I dare you to try it out! See what happens.

Till next week,
– Sri

A reader wrote to me once saying that making small talk was not a problem for her. Her challenge was transitioning from small talk to talking about business.

Do you share this challenge?

Do you feel awkward or uncomfortable talking about or promoting your business?

Well, I used to feel this way when I first started my business. (And no, I don’t feel that way anymore!)

In retrospect, I discovered that my discomfort was due to 3 “simple” things.

Once I solved these, I became quite comfortable and confident talking about and promoting my business.

So here are the 3 things:

1. Are you clear about what you do or offer?

   When I first started my business, I had the hardest time explaining what I did. As a result, I was always uncomfortable talking about my business, forget about promoting it!

   “I never had this problem in the corporate world”, I thought. “So what’s the difference?”

   The difference, I realized, was that I didn’t have a good sense of what I was offering.

   My services were too general, not focused and crisp like my job responsibilities when I worked at companies.

   So describing what I did was obviously difficult — and therefore, awkward.

2. Do you believe in your product or service?

   A family member once asked me whether I was interested in promoting a particular software product.

   After looking at it, I found myself quite excited about it. I could see the potential of this product, and I believed that it could be very useful for specific businesses.

   I started explaining it earnestly to my husband…

   And I remember stopping mid-stream and exclaiming: “Well now, why don’t I talk about my own business like this?”

   Well, it’s hard to believe in your product or service, and talk about it earnestly and passionately, if you don’t know what you’re offering!

3. Do you know who would find your product or service useful?

   In another similar situation, as I was listening to someone explain why his service was useful to certain people, I realized that I couldn’t do the same for my services.

   I didn’t have a good sense of the kinds of people who would find my service useful because — you guessed it — I wasn’t clear about what I was offering.

   So how could I know who would find it useful? And equally importantly, why they’d find it useful?

As a result, I’d always feel awkward about promoting my business, because I was never sure whether I was promoting it to the right people.

So if talking about your business is difficult for you, check out these three questions and see what comes up for you.

Till next week,
– Sri

Do you believe in coincidences? Well, as I was writing this article, I got an email from past colleague.

The last time we “talked” was by email 2 years ago. And yet, when I got her email today, I was delighted to hear from her (even though she was writing to ask me for something).

We lose touch with people all the time — in our professional lives and personal lives — for various reasons.

For example, this year, with the birth of our second baby, followed by our relocation across the country, along with my involvement in completing my book, I haven’t been able to stay in touch with many people. After all, there’s only so much time in the day!

And when it comes time to reconnect, many people feel awkward about it. And many don’t reconnect just because of that sense of awkwardness.

However, reconnecting can be delightful — just like I was delighted to hear from my colleague earlier today.

And just like my past contacts are happy to hear from me, as I reach out to reconnect with them, now that things are beginning to get back to “normal”.

So what allows people to reconnect with each other comfortably, even after long periods of silence?

• First, keeping in touch is a two-way street. If I’ve lost touch with someone, it means that *neither* of us have initiated contact with the other. In other words, it’s not just *one* person’s responsibility to keep in touch. So chances are, when I do initiate contact, the other person will be happy to hear from me — especially, if we had a good relationship in the past.

  Of course, if we didn’t have a relationship in the past, it’s a different story — and a topic for a future article.

• Second, whenever an opportunity arises, use it to reconnect. For instance, I’ll use occasions like someone’s birthday, or some event in my life (e.g. my farewell party) to reconnect. And when I do get in touch, I’ll usually bring the person up to date with what’s been going on with me (if they don’t know already), so they have a sense of why I haven’t kept in touch.

  Since most people are busy themselves, they usually understand and forgive the lapse.

  Again, the important thing to notice is that these are people with whom I had already built a relationship in the past. So I know their birthdays, and have an interest in their lives, as they do in mine.

So reconnecting with someone after a long time, even if you’re doing so because you want something from the other person, can be completely free of any awkwardness, if

1. You have already invested the time earlier to build a relationship that can survive periods of little or no contact.
2. Both people in the relationship get something from keeping it alive, and therefore both people take responsibility to do so.

Check it out — I think you’ll find examples of these kinds of relationships in your own life.

Business relationships aren’t any different.

More on how to cultivate professional relationships like these is in module 3 of the Effortless Networking home-study program. And if you like templates, The Referral of a Lifetime by Tim Templeton provides a sample letter that you can use to reconnect with past contacts.

Till next week,
– Sri