Effortless Networking

My new tango shoes!

Twelve years ago, when I first started dancing Argentine Tango, I didn´t know then how useful and powerful it would be in my business and career — and indeed, my life. I can talk about this topic at length. But I won´t!

Instead, let me tell you about ONE very important thing I learned from dancing Tango. And that is how to communicate effectively and authentically (which, I hope you´ll agree, is a critical skill in business networking).

Huh?

Well, consider this:

As a dancer, you must pay attention to multiple things simultaneously, and use these pieces of information to make instant decisions. Such as, the music and how you want to interpret it and dance to it. To the other dancers on the floor and what they´re doing, so you can avoid bumping into them. And so on.

In any kind of partner dancing, there is an added component. You must also simultaneously pay attention to your partner and his or her intentions — which, in dance, is sensory (not verbal or visual). So now you´re consciously using 3 of your 5 senses to pick up information.

And in Argentine Tango, there is yet another layer of complexity. This is an improvisational dance, in which the leader´s and the follower´s steps don´t mirror each other. This means, for instance, the follower MUST pay attention to the lead to know what to do. Space out for a second, and you´re lost!

These are same components necessary for having a genuine and engaging conversation.

Think about it.

In any conversation, particularly in a business networking situation, you must pay attention to what the other person is saying, both verbally and otherwise.

You cannot, or rather should not, anticipate what he or she may say. You cannot space out. And you certainly should not start your own monologue.

In addition, you have to take into account the context of the conversation, the physical environment, any other people present or involved, and so on.

For me, every time I dance, it´s a way of practicing being attentive and connecting with another person.

So when I go dancing, I like to dance with different partners, including people with whom I´ve never danced before. It helps improve both my dancing and my conversations (though I don´t do both at the same time!).

OK, so what if you´re not into partner dancing?

What can you do to improve your conversation skills?

Well, what activity do you engage in that requires you to be attentive in this manner? Perhaps you play a sport, or a musical instrument.

Whatever it is, notice how you pay attention to all the little details and how you use these pieces of information in an instant to make decisions.

Then, do the same in your conversations.

If you´d like to explore this topic further, contact me.

“Not having the time to network” is a common challenge that has come up several times in the past.

However, here´s a comment I got recently that goes beyond networking — into business and life in general:

[My biggest challenge is] keeping all the parts of my life in balance.

I prioritize my calendar. I schedule my activities that need to get done. Yet, I consistently never get to one activity that is necessary. I struggle accomplishing all the things I prioritize in my day.

Time simply runs out!”

Let me start with a story, to provide a context for the solution I offer below:

A very smart and ambitious man once hired me to help him achieve his professional goals, while also making time for his family and friends.

He said he had no time or energy to work towards his ambitions. And his personal life had more or less ceased to exist.

As we talked, I discovered that he was working practically round the clock. He had conference calls late into the night with people in other time zones; he had early morning meetings with people in his office; and in between he had “regular” work to do. I found out that he had little time to sleep, let alone spend time with his family and friends.

Not only was he exhausted, physically and otherwise, all aspects of his life were suffering.

He realized that his current lifestyle and work habits were unsustainable, but didn’t know if it was even possible to change anything given the realities of his work.

So when he asked me half-jokingly if I leased out my peaceful mind, I told him I would help him cultivate his own.

And that became the focus of our work, which cleared the way for him to realize his ambitions.

What does this have to do with time management?

Well, when people talk about time management, most people want to figure out how to squeeze in as much as possible within the time that that have.

The result of this kind of time management rarely results in a sense of accomplishment or peace of mind.

More often, it leads to “fragmentation” (i.e. doing a bit of this and a bit of that and therefore not making any real progress on any front), stress (because no real progress is happening in spite of all the effort and activity) and exhaustion (from a jam-packed schedule).

What´s the alternative? Well, how about managing yourself, instead of managing time?

That´s what I helped my client do.

And once he actually followed through on the “homework” I gave him, he said that he was able to recognize and acknowledge “the depth of his feelings and get things out of his head”. As a result, he felt “less fragile” and “more focused”. As he put it,

“I can’t change things around; [instead] I have to find my way around, and going forward manage myself and maintain a constant lookout [for new opportunities]“.

And yes, he did get that big promotion he wanted as well.

If you want to experience similar results, here´s an exercise for you.

STEP 1 — Do the following everyday for one week:

• At the beginning of each day, think about your intentions for the day. I don’t mean your “to do” list, but rather, how do you want the day to turn out? Also, how do you feel about the day (e.g. optimistic, worried, cheerful, sad, etc.)? What opportunities and/or obstacles do you see?
• At the end of each day, think about how the day actually turned out. What did you do during that day, and how did you choose these actions? How do these choices relate to your intentions for the day?

STEP 2 — At the end of the week, reflect back on your observations during the week.

• What patterns do you notice?
• What does it say about your intentions, priorities and choices?
• How will you use this information?

Do this exercise seriously and you will get results. I guarantee.

So here´s the funny part of the story about my client.

I had written about this client´s experience in another article. When he read that article, he recognized himself in the description. Here´s what he emailed me:

“Your articles are brief, crisp and genuinely thought-provoking. The archives of articles are useful.

I really smiled and then actually laughed out aloud when I read the Nov 2004 article. It sounded so familiar to me!

While we were working together, I looked forward to our interactive sessions during a time that was difficult for me both personally and professionally. You were a great help in listening to me and guiding me to identify and focus on the more urgent and important concerns. I was then reacting to so much noise around me, that I wasn’t doing your recommended homework effectively.

Now, I am able to make the time to deal with situations that concern me the most. After a lot of introspection, I have come to believe, that one’s peace of mind is a very important ingredient to one’s well-being: health, success etc.

It is in quiet and silence now, that I am actually internalizing and putting to practice the many things you were trying to coach me on. [Old] problems have moved on, new problems have firmed up, and I have thrown out some problems (I just learnt to live with them).

I believe that I have discovered the internal peace that I was previously oblivious to.”

I called him after I read his email, and we laughed about this together. He told me that his professional life was still going well, and he was enjoying his time with his family and friends. He sounded relaxed, content and at peace with himself — which is exactly what he´d wanted.

If you want a comprehensive and permanent solution like my client, let´s talk.

Click here to schedule an appointment. (Yes, this is free.) You can give me more information about your situation, so we can explore options that fit your budget. (No, not everything is free!)

I’m still on vacation in Argentina, dancing Tango with my husband! So here’s another great guest article that’s sure to help you with your prospecting — not networking — conversations. (Click here to read about the difference between the two.)

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Making more sales while retaining your integrity — is it possible to do both?

Based on e-mails I continue to receive daily, the answer is a resounding “yes.”

Eliminating traditional sales thinking and tactics does take effort, because the messages of the sales “gurus” you’ve read over the years can continue to bubble up in your mind, especially when you’re in the sales process.

Despite your good-hearted intentions of helping others with your service or product, do these traditional “sales tips” still pop up in your mind?

• Focus on “closing” the sale and it will happen
• When you feel rejected, brush it off and get ready for more
• If a potential client says “no,” it’s your job to turn it into a “yes”
• When a potential client challenges your product or service, just sell harder

These ideas reinforce the traditional sales message that your only focus should be on pursuing the end goal of making the “sale,” regardless of the personal toll it might take on you and your potential client.

It is possible to sell without compromising your integrity.

Here are seven suggestions:

1. Focus on the getting to the “truth” of your potential client’s situation. You may or may not be a fit for each other, so focusing on the end goal of making the sale only derails the trust-building process. Without trust, you compromise integrity.
2. Eliminate rejection once and for all by setting realistic expectations and avoiding traditional sales behaviors such as defensiveness, persuasion, and over-confidence. If you’re not trying to sell, you can’t be rejected.
3. Stop “chasing” potential clients who have no intention of buying. How can you do this? Shift your mindset and boost your truth-seeking skills so that you can quickly, yet graciously, discern whether the two of you are a potential “fit” or not.
4. Avoid calling people “prospects” or even thinking about them that way. People are people, and when you label them in your language or your thoughts, you dehumanize them and the sales process. “Prospect” reinforces the notion that sales is only a “numbers game.” Train yourself to think about “potential clients” instead.
5. Take the “cold” out of your cold calling. Don’t start with “Hi, my name is… I’m with… We do…”. When you begin a conversation by making it about you, instead of about the other person, you immediately cut off the possibility of opening a dialogue. Try the more humble approach of asking “Maybe you can help me out for a second,” and keep in mind that you’re really calling to help them solve their problems.
6. Don’t try to “overcome” objections. Instead, determine whether the objection is the client’s truth or not. Then you can decide whether to continue to open the conversation.
7. Avoid using “I” or “We” in your e-mail communications to potential clients. These words indicate that the focus of your communication is on satisfying your needs rather than solving their problems. This sets the wrong tone for a potential relationship.

To Your Success,
Ari

Ari Galper is the founder of Unlock The Game™, the only selling program that completely eliminates pressure from the selling process. His Unlock The Game™ Sales Program has helped thousands of entrepenuers and sales professionals worldwide.

Visit ww.UnlockTheGame.com to take a Free Test Drive!