Are you a parrot?
I heard about a “trick” recently for keeping conversations going: repeat key words and phrases like a parrot.
In other words, if the person you’re talking with says, “I am a mortgage broker”, you say “mortgage broker?”
And that leads the mortgage broker to automatically elaborate on “mortage brokerage”.
I laughed out aloud when I heard this — because I could see it working. In fact, I use a version of this when I talk with my 3-year old.
However, 2 things bothered me:
- First, the fact that this was framed as a “trick”.
(Of course, if you’re a parrot, this would count as one of your tricks. But if you’re reading this, I suspect you’re not — a parrot, that is!)
This is not a trick — not if you’re choose with care what key words or phrases to repeat.
And it is definitely not a trick if you actually listen to the answers.
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Second, the suggested use for this approach was for those situations when you don’t have anything to say to keep a conversation going.
Why would you want to prolong a conversation that didn’t engage you enough to stimulate a genuine response?
My recommendation would be to use this approach in conversations where you truly want to find out more about the other person.
And I would suggest you use this approach to practice listening (instead of talking — which most of us tend to want to do).
So go ahead and learn from a parrot — or from any other source for that matter. (The world around us is filled with “teachers”.) Just remember to use what you learn like a human!
March 4th, 2007 at 7:54 am
Sri:
You’ve hit on a really vital point here. Conversation is an essential part of networking, yet it seems to be a dying art. A professional speaker friend of mine, David Wright of Sevierville, Tennessee, often says, “In America we don’t have conversations any more. We just take turns talking.”
So often people don’t listen because we are trying to think of what we are going to say next. In your example, Think about a conversation where the first person says “I’m a Mortgage Broker” and the second person says “My neighbor just refinanced their house.” The second comment seems relevant, but it can often send the conversation off on an unproductive tangent.
So this “Parroting Trick” can be the springboard for an excellent “Communication Technique”. If someone wants to be a good conversationalist, which by the way also means a good listener, here is an advanced technique that anyone can learn to use with just a little practice, Start with the “Parrot phrase” and turn it into a question about the first person. Here are some examples.
“Oh, a mortgage broker. What’s the most rewarding part of being in the mortgage business?” Or, “Oh, a mortgage broker. What’s the biggest challenge you face in the mortgage business today?”
Of course, listen to the answer.
We could go on, but I think you get the idea. If you want to build a relationship with someone, learn some things about them. And this is one way to start doing that.
Joe McBride
March 14th, 2007 at 5:23 am
Hi Sri:
Thank you for the article, it really helped me to think about conversations.
Alice
May 9th, 2007 at 11:22 am
Hi Sri,
Thanks so much for elaborating on this. Your comments make sense and really, “free” us to move on if there isn’t a common thread. Joe relly brought out a great point when it comes to conversation. Many people do just take turns talking, but as networkers we truly need to listen and converse. : )