Effortless Networking

Here’s an interesting question: how do you get people to do what they say they are going to do?

The bald truth is that you cannot *make* anyone do what they can’t do, or don’t want to do.

And not only that, many people agree to do things because they’re unable to say “no” (for whatever reason).

So if you find yourself in a position where someone has agreed to do something and is not following through, here are two things you can do:

1. Check in with the person to see if they’re still willing and able to do as they promised.
2. If not, come up with a new agreement; such as a new deadline, an introduction to another person who *can* follow through, etc.

For instance, recently I had a conversation with someone who had said he’d help me out with a project.

When I did not hear back from him, I called him. Then I called him again. When he called back, he was clearly uncomfortable.

His situation had changed, he said, and he was unable to do what he’d promised. I was disappointed but glad to know the truth — I knew what I was working with.

So I asked if he could recommend others who’d be able to help and he did. He sent me a long list of referrals later that day, and I was on my way again.

In another case, a person had promised to help me edit a document. And as the days whent by, I was beginning to wonder if she’d ever do it.

Finally, I asked her. And she admitted that she’d would have to postpone the work and do it when she had some uninterrupted time.

Since I was in no hurry, I agreed to postpone the completion date.

But if I didn’t have this conversation, I’d probably be really upset with her by this time since she may not have volunteered this information (and I would be left waiting and wondering).

My point is this:

When someone agrees to do something, when they really want to say “no”, they’re usually relieved and grateful if you offer them a way out. And it saves you the frustration and irritation as well.

Ideally though, you want to verify someone’s ability to follow through on whatever they agree to do, upfront.

That way, you both avoid getting into an awkward position later.

FYI, more on “asking clearly” is in the 3 Secrets for Effective Networking program.

And of course, you can always contact me to work privately on this or related topics. Click here for details.

Till next week,
– Sri

A common concern in business networking is how to initiate conversations. Obviously, being able to start a conversation is important, since networking is all about having successful conversations.

However, knowing when to *stop* talking is just as important as knowing how to start talking!

Why is this?

Well, because you may want to know

• how to frame the conversation
• whether the other person is intersted in what you’re saying and if they’re “getting it”
• what to say next and in how much detail

and so on…

When you’re talking, there’s usually someone listening (we hope!). And if you don’t know what is of interest to the other person, you run the risk of saying a lot without getting through. Or worse, having a negative impact.

So how often do you pause to listen? How do you know how much to say, and when to stop talking? How do you know when to start talking again?

These questions are all answered in my book, Effortless Networking.

In the meantime, here is one simple way you can recognize exactly when to stop talking: make sure you look at the person you’re talking with.

Here’s what I mean:

I worked with a client once who was so focused on the point she wanted to make that she often didn’t realize how her words affected the listeners.

As a result, she’d often lose people’s attention, and at times even offend people unintentionally.

Clearly, this was a big liability for her. And she was so committed to solving this problem that she proactively asked people around her for feedback.

Yet this problem remained only partially solved — because the feedback she got was “after the fact”, and she still had to “back pedal” often.

During our conversation, I discovered that with email communications she didn’t have this problem. No blunders here.

“Why is this?” I asked.

“Because I can see what I’ve written, so I can edit it and soften it before sending it.”

“So, what do you do when you’re talking with someone?” I asked. “Where do you usually look?”

“At my notes, or at the whiteboard or screen if I’m making a presentation”, she said.

“Well, how about you make it a habit to look directly at the person you’re talking with?

• During in-person conversations, practice looking at people’s facial expressions while you’re speaking with them.
• If it’s a phone conversation, practice listening to their tone of voice and any pauses.

This way you’ll get real time feedback which will help you decide when to stop talking and ‘check in’ with the listener, or what to say or do next.”

There was silence.

When she spoke again, she was clearly moved. “Such a simple thing, and yet I never thought of it! And I know already that it will make a difference.”

Whether you’re trying to promote your business or trying to help someone in your network generate more business, knowing when to stop talking and “check in” with the listener is critical.

So try this out yourself, and see what difference it makes to your conversations.

Till next week,
– Sri

Are you looking for events where you can meet people who might be interested in your products and services?

If yes, then you’re looking for “prospecting” — not “networking” — opportunities.

I make this distinction because networking and prospecting are two different things. And attending networking events may or may not be the best way to *meet* prospects. However, networking events can help you *find* the right prospects or prospecting events.

Here’s what I mean:

If your objective is to find prospective clients or customers, you can do this either directly or indirectly.

If you knew exactly where to find your prospects, you would go there and meet them and talk with them directly. This is prospecting.

If you didn’t know where to find your prospects, or needed help connecting with them, you could use the help of other people to reach them. This indirect approach is otherwise known as networking!

So here are 3 steps to finding “real” prospects through networking:

1. Be very clear in your mind about your ideal prospect. Why is this important? Because you need to be able to explain this succinctly to others who may be in a position to help you.
2. Identify the kinds of people who might be able to help you — these are people who may either know or have “access to” your prospective clients or customers. Then find out where you can meet such people.
3. Ask these people for their help, when you meet them. Describe the kind of prospects you’re looking for; ask them to introduce you to prospects when appropriate; and ask about events and opportunities where you might have a chance to meet your prospects directly.

So what exactly are you doing here?

You are asking people — and only those who are in a position to help you — for very specific kinds of help.

You are asking them to find and send you qualified leads and referrals. And you’re asking them to help you identify good prospecting events and opportunities, given your target market.

Do you see how networking and prospecting are not the same thing? And do you see how networking can help you with prospecting?

For more on networking easily and successfully, click here.

Till next week,
– Sri

Your networking success has little to do with networking events and leads groups. Do you know why?

Click here to find out.