Knowing what to say
Here’s a guestion I got from someone recently:
“I’m able to meet with people, but I’m not sure what they want to hear from me or what questions I should ask them. I want to find a new way to interact with my networking members.”
Can you relate to this? Is “knowing what to say” a recurring challenge for you?
If so, let me ask you some questions first: When does this problem show up for you? When you meet someone for the first time? Or does it happen with people you’ve known for a while?
I ask because I bet this problem doesn’t happen all the time. I’m pretty sure there are situations when you know exactly what to say.
If that is indeed true, then it’s a matter of figuring out what makes these particular situations easy. Then you can use this information to make other situations easier for yourself.
So here’s a quick exercise to help you figure out what may be going on for you — because the solution depends on the exact nature of the “problem”.
Start by paying closer attention to all your networking conversations.
1. When you find yourself at a loss for what to say, make a note of the situation.
- Who is this person you’re talking with? How did you get started talking with this person?
- What is your topic of conversation?
- Is this person someone you just met? Or have you known this person for a while?
- How much you know about this person? How did you find out what you know?
- What do you not know yet, that you want to find out?
- What are your assumptions about this person?
- At what point in the conversation did you get stuck? What were your exact thoughts at that time?
2. Keep an eye out for conversations when you don’t get stuck, when you know exactly what to say. When you find yourself in the middle of such conversations, make a note of the situation using the same questions above.
3. Then, compare the two types of interactions. Make sure you have at least 3 good examples of conversations that flow well, and 3 of conversations where you get stuck, before you do this part. (The more “data” you have, the better.)
- What difference, if any, do you see between the two?
- What specifically allows one conversation to flow smoothly, where you know exactly what to say?
- What specifically makes the other conversation awkward, where you feel unsure about what to say?
- What did you learn from answering these questions? How will you use this information?
If you take the time to observe what’s going on, and answer these questions seriously, you should have useful information about the nature and the source of the problem.
Once you identify the exact problem, finding the solution becomes easier.
For instance, you might find you’re at a loss for what to say only with people you meet for the first time, and only when you don’t have a good sense of the other person in terms of their interests, challenges, needs, etc.
If so, your solution is to ask questions until you do have a good sense of whom you’re talking with — what they do, what they’re interested in, whether they’re looking for something in particular, and so on.
Once you have this information, you’ll naturally know what to say next.
Make sense?
By the way, this is an excerpt from the Effortless Networking
