Increasing your confidence
Do you feel uncomfortable attending networking “events” by yourself? Does the thought of walking into a room full of strangers make you anxious?
If you’ve been wanting to increase your confidence and comfort level in these sitations, here are some common tips:
- Arrange to meet someone at the event: a client, business associate, even a friend.
- Volunteer to be an “ambassador” or work at the registration desk.
- Call ahead and ask the organizer if you can meet them at the event.
You may already know of some or all of these tips. And you may have tried to use them without success. Or perhaps you haven’t tried any yet.
If this is the case for you, the real question is: why haven’t these tips, techniques and strategies helped? And what would help?
Well, for any technique to work, in any context, there has to be a foundation. Otherwise, it cannot work.
I’m a dancer, so let me give you a dance analogy. Trying to use any technique without the proper foundation is like me trying to do fancy footwork before I’ve mastered the proper dance frame and balance. In such cases, even if I do manage to pull off the fancy footwork (which is difficult without good balance), it just doesn’t look as good with that hint of a wobble! Nor does it feel comfortable for me.
If you’re not a dancer, see if you can find another analogy along these lines, and you’ll understand this point better.
So let’s address this issue from a different perspective.
Let’s start with an important question: what (if anything) would make you feel more comfortable and confident going to a networking event alone? Why is this?
For instance, you might say going with another person helps.
Well, why is this? Because they can introduce me to others they know.
And why is this helpful? Because then I don’t have to go up to strangers and introduce myself.
By answering this question, you just discovered something very specific (and useful). It is this: going to an event with just anyone won’t necessarily be helpful for you. However, going with someone who can *connect* you with others and ease the way for you would be helpful.
Well, now you have something specific to work with. Because now the problem to solve is this: how can you find other “connectors”, if you don’t go to the event with one, to help ease the way for you?
(We’ll address the issue of not feeling confident enough to initiate a conversation by yourself in another article!)
So given the information you just discovered, you can now start looking for specific tips, techniques or strategies to help you answer this question. And you might decide to start with tip #3 above.
So when you arrive at the event, you’d have a goal to find the organizer. Right there you’d have something to “do”: as soon as you check in, you can ask the people at the registration desk to introduce you or point you to the organizer.
Once you find the organizer, use him or her as a “connector” and ask to be introduced to some of the kinds of people you’re there to meet. They can usually start you off with at least one person.
Then, use each new person you meet as another “connector”: end the conversation by asking for introductions to others they may know at the event.
So what did I just do?
- I identified what specifically made me uncomfortable in a particular situation.
- I explored what might address my discomfort in that particular situation.
- Then I found a way (strategy, technique, tip) to help me resolve my discomfort in these kinds of situations.
Try these going through these 3 steps for whatever situation that makes you feel uncomfortable, awkward or insecure. See what you discover.
And if you’re still stuck, and want to work on this with me one-on-one, feel free to contact me.
Till next time,
– Sri
